Okay, I just have to get this out. This blog is really cathartic, but i've always used pictures or quotes to summarize my mood or what i'm feeling at that particular moment. Right now I need plain and simple words, my words, to just dump out everything that keeps racing through my mind. You know those times when you lay up at night stuck facing your own thoughts, with nothing to distract you, well thats what i'm going through right now. I am a gemini and if you know anything about gemini's, then that explains alot about me and why i do some of the shit i do, both good and bad, of course it's always the bad that overrides any bit of good, it's always the bad that keeps you up at night. I'm particularly upset when i think about all the good things i've fucked up and i replay over and over all the things i could have and should have done, all the loves and losses or peoples i became so close with who are now nowhere in sight. What was it all for, to feel so much for people to just become strangers in the end, to be left with just memories...I am constantly plagued with questions and memories and thoughts that are really pointless and just seem to probe the wound that never seems to heal. Or, I think the wound is heeled, but all it takes is one small thing to bring me down again and all the wounds and past disappointments rise up like karma, or is karma? Maybe its my own mind that has me trapped..idk, I'm moving to the city and starting fresh and new, i have no idea what direction i'm going and how this will affect my current state of mind. Sometimes, I can really be my biggest road block...
oh and i forgot to say how there's a giant pile of songs the just unlock pandora's box of wonderful beautiful memories that are just that, memories, becoming more and more distant.
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