Friday, September 23, 2011

Happiness?

Lately, I find myself landing in conversations about happiness and what it even is, so I think perhaps for my own reference and cathartic purposes, am going to jot down my mess of thoughts on the subject. Firstly, it is somewhat ironic all this questioning has come AFTER i have already taken a positive psychology class and read a number of books on the subject, and here i am at square one again. I know you're probably thinking "what's there to know, it's not a complicated thing." My roommate who is studying to be an actress and thus, is very attuned to human emotion and what drives it, asked me today what happiness was. My initial reaction of was to say that she's asking the wrong person haha because i really never felt it for any length of time. Then we started talking and thus, my thoughts started unraveling:
Basically, I believe happiness is just an emotion not a state of being or a way of life. Happiness is not wealth or success or family or friends because clearly you can have all of those things and not be happy. Like any emotion it is temporary, rather it be a an hour a few days, months, or years--it comes swiftly and will surely depart just as fast. And when people say happiness is what you make it, can just fuck off because you cannot make it and you cannot chase it. Yes, you chase and work towards all the things you THINK will bring you happiness but again, why is it that happiness is only IN THINGS we try to obtain why can it not just be, just exist? Maybe it does, I am not sure. I also hate when people say in such shock "what do you mean you're not happy?" Like happiness is the natural and normal state of one's self. Happiness is not constant, its not as though your soould being is composed of little tiny happiness particles and any other emotion that comes along is just a visitor. Happiness, sadness, jealousy, despair, resentment, these are all emotions that come and go the exact same way as happiness, so why is it that happiness is considered normal or obvious as if everyone is happy until something bad happens. Why cant it just be you're in a blank state of nothingness until SOMETHING happens. Generally, we are in this state of nothingness, were not happy nor sad nor any other emotion we just are blank until something makes us laugh, or smile, or cry, or scream. Clearly, some people have certain dispositions whether it be cheery or calm, but the actual emotion is not permanent enough to be a set disposition. Life is constantly changing and emotions are up and down, constantly changing and repeating along with life. Happiness is not eternal nor is anything. NOTHING is forever.

I better end here or I will ramble on forever and surely become too cynical!